I SHOULD be writing Cebu Interlude, Day 2 as a follow up to my Cebu Interlude, Day 1. However, I’m taking a pause to give way to what I want to say to a newfound friend in Naga, Bicol Province who has become special to me in many, many ways than one — M.B. whose trust was broken.
Ending a friendship on purpose isn’t common, but it’s necessary. Drifting apart happens even when you were once close friends: people move, life circumstances change, priorities are shifted, jobs lost or found… individually, we all change, and friendship changes too. Sometimes you lose touch and move on. Other times you decide to say goodbye and cut off all contact because friends have destroyed your confidence in them.
Whether it’s deliberate or a matter of drifting away, letting go wasn’t made to be easy. It’s always hard to do.
Some friendships are fundamentally weaker than others, such as those that are not based on likenesses or honest connections. They do not last very long, especially if the reasons for friendship are not genuine. Trust is one thing that keeps friendships afloat. When it’s not present, or if it’s broken, nothing is there for friendship to hang on to.
A few years ago, I’ve also cut off all contact with at least three friends whom I thought I can trust and were good. I didn’t feel respected when I was around them because I couldn’t speak my mind and can’t find space in our conversations to say anything at all. A friend should leave you feeling happy, content, connected and hopeful. But when I was with them, I always come out feeling depressed, frustrated, exhausted, depleted or angry. Who wants to be that kind of person?
Like what you’ve experienced, they broke my trust too. I thought I could tolerate them along the way, but I’m only human, my capacities have limits. They’ve scathed my emotions badly, I can’t just sit there and take everything doing nothing.
In the beginning, it was sad — especially because I’ve grown accustomed to their presence in my life. There was a time I thought I could never do things without them. That I can never be whole without their support. I thought they’re the wind beneath my wings, instead they broke my flight. Why else would I remain friends with them?
My heart and my mind are one in believing that all relationships are fragile alliances. That’s why they’re built on trust, faith and common understanding. A small error of judgment, a dent in the links of trust can bring everything crumbling down. Nobody should even begin any idea of friendship if she/he is not prepared to give these three requisites: TRUST, FAITH AND UNDERSTANDING.
When friendship brings more harm than good, it’s better to end it. Despite predictable consequences — one is you’ll grieve and feel pain fully (like I did, you’re not alone there) — it’s perfectly fine to choose goodbye. Take time to mourn over your loss. Cry, dig a hole on the ground and shout, hit the pillow (not the person), play rock music at its loudest possible, curse (not within hearing distance of anyone) — do whatever it takes to get all rage and sadness out of your system. Let it all out so that you can move on from these destructive feelings, and for you not to harbor negativity that you might continue to carry if you do not release the bad feelings.
Afterwards, move on. Enhance the remaining relationships you have with your other friends and build new ones. Time and again, in every ending, there is a new beginning. Life never runs out of people whom we can become good and trusting friends with.
I’m maybe in Palawan, but I’m here for you.